Oxymoron: The Teenage Years

At times I have the mind of a child. At others I am wise for my age. At times I am smart at others I feel like an idiot. One moment I love the rain. The next I hate it with a passion. One moment I am the fastest there is. The next I am slower than a snail. At times no one can get me to shut up. At others no one can make me speak. At times I speak well. At others I can’t seem to find the right words to express my thoughts. Sometimes I stumble as I speak. At times I long to talk with someone. At others I’d just like to be left alone.  There are times where I love hugs and cuddling and others when I am startled and uncomfortable at someone’s touch. Sometimes I don’t care about looks or appearance and see straight to people’s hearts and minds. At others I feel shallow as I judge my peers by their covers. At times I am competitive and winning is all I can think about. At others I find joy in the game no matter whether I win or lose. Sometimes I lose on purpose. I usually hate to tie but sometimes I don’t mind. Sometimes I’m grounded in facts and focus on the real world as serious as can be. At others I’m more dreamy thinking of what could be. I’m often very silly making everything a joke. At times I am not easily angered and can take whatever people throw at me. They try to tease me and rile me up and only get a smile in return. At others anything can make me angry and make me cry. My emotions are out of control. At times I feel strong like I can handle anything. Pain doesn’t bother me; I just keep moving forward. At others I get hurt or sick and it’s all I can think about. I cry and feel so weak. I can’t handle the pain. At times I feel like a scientest and math comes easily. At others math irritates me and I can’t solve even the simplest problems. At times I could tell a story from history or fiction and tell it well. At others grammar and words just trip me up. At times I want to be a scientist or doctor at others I feel that the life of a writer or teacher is calling me or that of historian. I feel pulled in all directions and can’t figure out where I want to go. I’d love to have some answers. Who am I? Why am I here? Where am I to go?


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