When we last left my dog, he was being digested by several formerly ravenous hyenas, with no hope for escape and no conscious thought. Ren’s apple tree was brooding in a lair fitting it’s status as Public Enemy Number One while its minions were partying like there was no tomorrow, which may or may not be true, depending on whether Australia’s still there. Monkey and Loki were fighting with banana cream pie, while Einstein was figuring out various secrets of the universe. Will my dog survive to defeat Ren’s apple, or will the apple dance in glee over my dog’s corpse, growing mutant legs to do so?
One of Ren’s hyenas called in sick. Upon having an x-ray it was discovered that my dog’s head (the hyena had swallowed it whole) was full of electronics! It was a robot! My dog lived! Here comes my dog now to gloat over your hyenas, (they have severe indigestion from eating a robot)!…Or is it my dog?
My irritated apple tree of Ultimate Evil grew angry upon hearing about your dog’s deception. My apple tree contacts Hank Pym, creator of Ultron. Giant man examines your dog, twirling it about in his hand before calling up his ant friends to crawl in your dog’s ear and confirm it was not a robot this time. Then, I call up Hulk who smashes your dog.
My dog has a good friend, you might recognize her, she is….the Disreputable Dog! She quickly heals my dog, after which my dog calls all his allies for a second conference. I can’t tell you what happened (it’s a secret meeting after all) but suffice to say that my dog is in a very secure place where he cannot be harmed. Now, while your minions were having a good time, Monkey sprang a trap upon them! While they lay there stunned, the Disreputable Dog imprisoned them in Death! And Einstein scribbled theoretical mathematical formulas all over your walls, he had a sudden burst of inspiration, and may have figured out the physics of bicycles. As for why the walls, he ran out of paper. But he had plenty of pencils! Funny thing about the pencils, the wood smelled like apples.
Einstein’s pencils sprouted into fully formed crab-apples. They surrounded Einstein easily (he’d already laid them everywhere) and scientist-napped him. They held him hostage forcing him to carry out a plan to take revenge on your dastardly dog.
My dog sighed in defeat and invited your crab apples to Crab Apple Cove for a clambake surrender party. However, after your crab apples arrived my dog informed them of a mistake on the invitation. It wasn’t Crab Apple Cove, but Clam Cove. Also, (and this is where your apples begin to panic) this wasn’t a clam bake but a crab apple bake! The area your crab apples are gathered on collapses into a giant pot of boiling water! After feasting on an interesting combination of apple and crab my dog heroically rescued Einstein from the depth of your dungeon. Unfortunately interrupting an experiment he was conducting involving neutrons. My dog also made sure Einstein didn’t take any pencils or apple cider with him.
The pencils and paper grow into more apples. Unfortunately, not all of them were able to be revived. The revived apples, angry at the deaths of their kindred, arm themselves with the remaining pencils and tie the paper around their stems. they march to your dog’s hideout in California and use their recently developed magic power to charm large books to fly at your dog repeatedly. All the while they skewer the Disreputable Dog and re-scientist-nap Einstein. You’ve never encountered a scheme as nefarious as this!
My dog genius that he is, knew that your apples weren’t too bright, after all, the don’t glow. He had anticipated this, and thus had prepared exact replicas of his entire army. Meanwhile, he waited on a cruise ship in Wyoming, building up his defenses for the final showdown in Part 5. Meanwhile, skirmishes between my dog’s forces and Ren’s apple’s forces had begun to break out. Monkey fought against the apples, the Disreputable Dog spied on your fortress, and Einstein was under heavy guard, coming up with a secret weapon that would end the war once and for all!
My apples are shocked that your dog fooled us yet again! My apples gather all their resources and awesome allies and prepare their offense for the final showdown in Part 5!!!!!